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"Man's days are as grass; he blossoms like a flower of the
field. For the wind passes over it and it is gone, and its place
knows it no more."
All religions come to terms with the mortality of human beings in
their own way. For some, it is the prime concern of their spiritual
exploration; for others, such as Judaism, it is a matter on which
little time is spent. This is because, underpinning the vast
structure of Jewish law and thought, there lies the strong belief
that this world, this life, this tangible existence is the experience
to which we must address our energies; the next life, with all its
uncertainties, is not for too much speculation. With this attitude
firmly entrenched, Jewish law makes admirable provision for those who
mourn, whilst the person who is dying receives somewhat less
attention in the traditional sources.
THE DYING PERSON.
Traditional Judaism has it that the person who is dying must not be
helped in any way to do so more quickly than nature intended, whether
by euthanasia or by life-shortening pain-relieving drugs. This was,
and sometimes still is, used as a reason not to tell people that they
are dying, on the basis that the knowledge of their impending death
will make them give up hope, and therefore hasten their death. There
are various reasons for telling or not telling, but if someone makes
it clear that he or she wants to know, and the family knows, then no
justification can be made for not allowing someone to live out the
last days of life in an atmosphere of honesty, with dignity and at
peace. Dying people should be allowed to come to terms as fully as
possible with the impending end, including making confession where
that is desired, along with family and friends.
WAYS OF MOURNING.
Once a death has taken place, people vary considerably in what they
require, and in how traditional they want to be. For that reason, in
Liberal Judaism it is very much left up to the bereaved family to
decide how they wish tQ hold the funeral and mourn afterwards. Rabbis
and congregational leaders will give guidance where it is required,
and explain practices at the time, but no-one within Liberal Judaism
is compelled to carry out rituals which they do not want to perform.
The preponderant practice in Liberal Judaism is to let families and
individuals make up their own minds whether they prefer burial or
cremation, without any pressure being applied, and people choose both
in roughly equal numbers. Orthodox Jews are not allowed cremation,
for a variety of reasons. One is that cremation is thought a pagan
rite, and one that shows a lack of respect for the human body. As
well as that, cremation was thought to destroy the Os coccyx, the
bone at the base of the spine from which Jewish tradition thought
that resurrection would take place. Liberal Judaism does not believe
in physical resurrection and regards the body as merely a vessel,
with no immortality of its own. As well as that, for excellent
ecological reasons many Jews feel cremation is preferable to burial,
because it does not waste land.
A very few Liberal Jews give their bodies to medical research so that
there is nothing left to dispose of. Liberal Judaism encourages organ
donation where appropriate, unlike Orthodox Judaism which tends only
to allow cornea donation, and does not insist on the customary very
speedy funeral if some such procedure is being undertaken.
AFTER THE FUNERAL.
After the funeral, some Liberal Jews observe the traditional seven
days' mourning (shiv'ah), holding prayers in their home every
evening, with relatives and friends coming to pay their respects,
often bringing a gift of food with them. Others will have only one
night of prayers in the home. In both cases the custom is for
refreshments to be served after the prayers are over, and for friends
and relatives to stay around to offer their support and comfort, even
if that comfort comes in the form of a gift of food, rather than
words. For many people it is extremely difficult to find the right
words to say on these occasions, but they nevertheless want to help.
Some families will not even have one night of prayers, although that
is becoming less common, as clear evidence emerges of the
psychological benefits of the Jewish mourning procedures. After the
Shiva there is a period of less intense mourning which lasts for 30
days (Sh'loshim) from the funeral, again not observed by all Liberal
Jews but by some. There follows a period of eleven months (also from
the funeral) of still less intense mourning, until the time comes
round for the erection of the tombstone (matzevah) either eleven
months or a year after the death. Although not all Liberal Jews
observe all these traditional stages of mourning, there is some
evidence to suggest that they match up to the stages of grief
experienced by most people. No-one suggests that at the end of the
year the grieving is over, but the tombstone consecration is a kind
of marker, in that it declares that life must go on and that the view
has to turn outwards again to the world.
COMMUNAL SUPPORT.
During all these stages it is for the community to support families
in their grief and to give comfort wherever possible. This applies to
the funeral itself, to the prayers afterwards, and to the weeks and
months after that, for the ritual surrounding a bereavement is only a
beginning, providing the basis of a structure for the expression of grief.
CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS.
Surrounding all these customs there are laws and traditions, and
superstitions, some of which are actively discouraged by Liberal
Judaism. An example is the prohibition on anyone from the priestly
class (Kohanim) going to the funeral or out into the cemetery.
Liberal Judaism believes it is wrong to deprive anyone of the
privilege of mourning. Similarly the Anglo-Jewish custom of women not
going to funerals is discouraged, since women need to grieve as much
as men. There are customs such as keri'ah, the tearing of garments,
which are discouraged in Liberal Judaism, though universal in
orthodoxy, but they occur occasionally nevertheless. There are also
common superstitions such as the covering of mirrors and the emptying
of vases and jugs of water, which do no harm although they probably
have their origins in general folklore rather then Judaism. But in
the end it is for the bereaved family to set the pace, and to make it
clear what they wish to do.
THE AFTERLIFE.
After a death, however, and in the weeks and months of mourning
thereafter, people often ask questions about the afterlife. Judaism's
attitude to death and immortality has changed considerably over the
centuries. In the period of the Bible, for instance, there is little
evidence of any belief in an afterlife at all. The talk is of Sheol -
some distant, shady, indeterminate place. But the Pharisees (possibly
under Greek or Persian influence) evolved a more definite belief in
"the life of the world to come", to be attained by the
righteous immediately upon death, by virtue of the immortality of the
soul, or at the end of time, through bodily resurrection. Then the
Messiah would come and the bodies of the righteous would rise up -
whilst the wicked would have no part of this eternal reward. Other
theories included a world to come where the righteous would go after
death, ill-defined but pleasant, with no hunger and no poverty. It
was the answer to the age-old question, recurring in every
generation, as to why the wicked prosper whilst the righteous fail to
thrive. The answer, in the rabbinic period, came to be that this life
was not the end, and that it would all be resolved in the next world,
where justice would be done.
Liberal Jews have been less than convinced about these theories, and
on the whole tend to reject the idea of a personal Messiah, at whose
coming all the righteous dead would arise and live in unadulterated
bliss. Physical resurrection generally has been rejected as
unreasonable, which had led to the rewording of the second paragraph
of the Amidah; instead of the traditional "mechayyeh
ha-metim" (who brings the dead to life) we had "mechayyeh
ha-kol" (who gives life to all), a very different thing.
Immortality of the soul is another matter altogether, however, and
Liberal Jews have tended to accept that principle, although
definitions vary quite considerably. Most common is the belief that
the soul exists before an individual is born and never dies, which is
why we read in the Amidah: "note'a betocheinu chayyei olam"
(who has implanted within us eternal life). But for some Liberal
Jews, the immortality is less that of some distinct element of a
human being called the soul than the way in which individuals are
remembered after their deaths - true immortality consists of never
being forgotten by the generations which succeed us.
EMPHASIS ON THE LIVING.
Immediately after a death the emphasis switches to the living, their
needs, aspirations and comfort. As mourners say the Kaddish, the
mourners' prayer, they affirm the majesty of God and His supremacy,
to emphasise that God is present at all times, in joy and in sorrow,
in life and at death. But it also emphasises that life goes on, and
that the living must continue the work which the person who has died
was forced to abandon, that of building God's kingdom on earth.
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